


Bright

by Zoni



Category: K-pop, U-KISS
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Sad, secret meetings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 12:56:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19251646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoni/pseuds/Zoni
Summary: All they have are the stolen moments the others don't know about. Sometimes, they're saved for the things that are the hardest to say.





	Bright

                The entire world is silent as AJ winds his way through the hotel hallway. The bland wallpaper and worn commercial carpet lead the way towards his destination. He's done this a dozen times before, but the familiarity doesn't stop the flush of anticipation running through his veins as he turns the small note over and over in his fingers. Slipped under his door, that piece of paper holds all the secrets of the universe condensed in a simple and earnest request. He's waited all evening to keep his end of the bargain.

                AJ feels the words as he knocks quietly on the designated room door. Not _too_ quietly, but soft enough that it won't wake anyone other than who he's supposed to meet. After all, this is just for the two of them. The others don't know. They don't need to know. These are stolen moments; a little piece of privacy, precious and carefully kept.

                A minute passes, then two. He wonders if he should have knocked harder. Before he can try again, the door opens and Kevin slides out of the darkness inside. His eyes are shining with a conspiratorial cleverness, keen on the intrigue they've managed. He presses a single finger to his lips in the universal sign of quiet, but there's no need. AJ's always been breathless around him; he couldn't make a sound if he tried. Nobody is around to care, even if he did. The sound of Hoon's snores fade as Kevin pulls the door tight behind him. Their secret is safe for another night.

                Without a word, hands close together but not quite touching, they pass back through the hall the same way AJ traveled moments before. Bypassing the elevator, they open the stairwell and begin their ascent towards the heavens. Or at least, the hotel roof access, hidden away behind a utility door and covered in signs warning guests to stay inside where they belong.

                Through the door and out into the night they go and the entire universe is theirs. Cloudless skies filled with pinpoints of light are the only witnesses to the things they talk about on nights like these. The velvet blue of the evening is only slightly darker than the blanket AJ stashed up here earlier, and he wastes no time in spreading it out to cover the bumps and imperfections of the gravel lining their hideaway.

                "You're sure the clerk won't come up?" AJ asks as he settles in, bringing up a valid concern that's caused issues before.

                Together, they scoot the blanket back against a stack of bricks next to a rooftop storage building. The danger of bugs is negligible when compared to the need for something to lean against. The risk is worth the reward.

                The happy smile on Kevin's face turns even brighter. "Nah, they've got a place out back on the first floor to smoke."

                Shifting against the fabric and roughness of the bricks, Kevin leans over and presses himself up against AJ just the way they both like. These simple sentences, the first they've spoken since the business briefing that morning, aren't particularly personal or romantic. They don't have to be. This is life for them, not a fairy tale. What they have isn't built on mindless declarations or soap opera frustrations, no matter what the others might think. Theirs is something more.

                More, like warmth and trust and the sense that some things are simply because that is the way they are meant to be. It's easier to feel, easier to give into things unspoken, when they only have to be accountable to the stars. That was how all of this began so long before, on top of a Japanese hotel when Kevin ran away from another argument rather than seeing it through. What had followed gave proof that even the worst situations could become something wonderful. AJ knows that very well. He knows, and he promises himself that he will never forget how fortunate he has been when it comes to Kevin. Perhaps there is something to the notion of wishing on lucky stars.

                All the light above them joins the dim electric resonance of the buildings around them. Neon signs glint dimly off Kevin's hair in the darkness. AJ wraps his arms around Kevin's waist and pulls him close, unable to resist leaning in to smell the strands. His lips find their way to the back of Kevin's neck, relishing in his warmth. The closeness is almost enough to take away the sense of distance he's gotten used to through the days apart during work and everyday life. Their happiness is curbed by the knowledge that what they have can't last forever. That’s why AJ doesn't want to waste a single moment.

                So close, and yet Kevin doesn't seem to notice AJ's thoughts. Instead, he presses back against him to chase away the chill of the autumn air. They may not always agree, but on this their minds are the same. They both need these moments together.

                "Jaeseop?"

                "Yeah?"

                "Do you know anything about constellations or stars?" Kevin asks, shivering slightly.

                Insignificant questions never deserve insignificant answers. AJ is no astronomer, but he can't say no to Kevin. "A little. Why?"

                In response, he gets a hesitation. There is a pause and then a small intake of breath. Kevin used to hide his thoughts, but it's been months since the last time AJ had to guess what he was thinking. Another small exhale, and then Kevin relieves him of any speculation. "I was just wondering if you'll see the same ones in New York. Never really thought about it, but..."

                AJ's turn to shiver and it has nothing to do with the temperature outside. The words bring mixed feelings he doesn't quite know how to address. The fact that the answer is obvious makes little difference. Kevin isn't asking because he wants to feel foolish. He's asking because something is on his mind."

                "Yeah," is the answer AJ manages to give. "I'll see the same ones."

                He doesn't explain. He doesn't have to. Kevin is asking for plainly obvious reasons, and they both know that there isn't a good answer for the question he didn't ask. For now, it can wait. For now, they have the night.

                "Do you even _know_ any of the constellations?" AJ wonders, the words whispered into Kevin's ear. He gets the desired response; a quiet laugh and a broad smile as Kevin presses into him.

                "I know the Big Dipper and Little Dipper," Kevin says, clearly proud of the fact. Little victories.

                AJ laughs, the sound rumbling through his chest. "Maybe I can teach you a few more, then. I had to take an astronomy class last semester, so there's that."

                That suggestion earns him a kiss on the cheek. Perfect. AJ can still feel the warmth of Kevin's lips as he leans back against the brickwork and looks across the stars with the eyes of an educated amateur. His hand slides down Kevin's arm, fingers wrapping gently around Kevin's wrist to better point out features in the night sky.

                "Right there," he murmurs.

                "Right there what?"

                "You see those four stars?" AJ asks. "The ones that kind of make a square?"

                Kevin holds his breath. AJ can almost feel how hard he's trying to see them. It takes a moment, but Kevin finally relaxes as he recognizes the pattern. "What are they?"

                "Well, look at the stars around them like this," AJ directs, drawing their hands in the shape he knows. He can halfway see the stars he's looking for, but most of the information comes from half-remembered seminars and one late-night rooftop class session that had been required to pass. "Do those look like anything to you?"

                "No?"

                Kevin's imagination apparently isn't better than his own. AJ doesn't mind. What they do on these evenings doesn't matter so long as they're alone. Stargazing is as good a choice as any, even if neither of them has any real idea what they're doing.

                Leaning their heads together, AJ tells him, "That's Pegasus."

                "Like the flying horse thing?" Incredulity colors the words.

                "Supposedly," AJ confirms. "I don't really see it, but that's what they say."

                "I don’t either. I'll take your word for it."

                Something else they agree on. Though AJ is trying, this doesn't seem to be an evening for words. Or at least, not these words.

                "There's one I know a little better, probably because I like it," he admits. "Can't see it all that well with all this light pollution, though. I wish we were a little further out in the country or something."

                Wishful thinking for so many reasons. Their lives aren't perfect. Instead, they are hectic. Public. Unfair. That applies here, too. These moments hidden away on a rooftop can only last so long.

                Kevin is completely relaxed, safe and happy in AJ's arms. He asks, "What is it?"

                "Andromeda." AJ relishes the soft warmth of Kevin's hand in his, fingers tangled together now. He lifts their hands and points once more to Pegasus, sliding their fingers just to one side. "Right here, kind of like a V."

                "I think I can see it," Kevin says. He's clearly lying, a skill he has never perfected. "Why do you like that one?"

                "Like might not be the right word. I guess I just get it when people are stuck in shitty situations," AJ tells him quietly. "Andromeda counts."

                Mythology is one thing. AJ's problems aren't quite on the level of some princess in a far-fetched tale with gods and sea monsters, but they're real enough and quickly approaching. There's no hero to rescue him from reality. He can't keep putting it off forever, and he already knows that they'll both wind up hurting more if he waits too long. He doesn't want to ruin the perfection of a quiet evening, but the time has come.

                "Kevin, when I go to New York this time..."

                He's planned his small speech ahead of time. Counted the words, even. He's gone over them time and again, but they don't seem to come out quite the way he had rehearsed. They stop short after half a sentence. Nothing ever seems to play out the way that it does in his mind. This doesn't, either, especially when Kevin finishes his thoughts for him.

                "We'll stop, won't we?" Four words, softer than his. More direct. _We'll stop_. Fatalistic, but accurate.

                AJ's response should be plainly obvious. All that it would take is a yes, or maybe an apology. Some words to soften the blow. He could even explain what Kevin already knows: that the choice isn't his entirely, that he's being forced out.

                There are a thousand different phrases that might save the moment. He's thought about them more times than he can count, but he can't find any way around the obvious. Their relationship, if they can even find the words to give it a name, would never work without these moments alone and together. Some things can't be expressed in words sent over text or said through a video chat. Closeness is like air for whatever this is between them. Their lives simply have too many voids to allow that one as well.

                He fought forever to have Kevin. The other man has always been his everything, heart and soul. And now he is making the decision that will take Kevin out of his life. Maybe not at that very moment, but soon. There simply aren't words to express the hows or whys, or to explain why he doesn't feel as broken-hearted about it as he should.

                Barely a breath, AJ manages to whisper his agreement. "We'll stop."

                Tears might be a normal reaction. Stinging, or heartache so severe that it feels like his chest is about to be crushed might be expected despite the plain eventuality of their situation. He feels Kevin's breath hitch against him, but the he doesn't pull away. Neither does AJ. After all, he isn't leaving yet. He's only put voice to something they both know is coming. He's thought about it a lot lately. And somehow, he knows that Kevin has, too.

                The words sink in, but the pain never comes. AJ knows why. He's loved Kevin for nearly as long as he's known him. Even if the coming end is months away, he already knows what it feels like to end things between them and move away. This isn't the first time. Somehow, the distance never lasts. Even then, he knows that Kevin has plans of his own, plans that aren't being forced on him by their friends and managers. What may be the best choice for everyone involved has never worked very well. Perhaps what they have between them is made of stronger stuff.

                Their breaths are only just louder than the wind brushing over the rooftop, running over cement and falling to the earth far below. When Kevin finally speaks, his words are just as confused as AJ has begun to feel. "Why doesn't it hurt more?"

                "Do you want me to be honest?" AJ asks. There's no point. When he’s around Kevin, he can't lie very well either. The only response he gets is Kevin leaning heavily on his shoulder, turning to press his face into the space against AJ's neck.

With a deep sigh, AJ tells him exactly what he's thought for months, maybe longer. "I don't know if I'll ever really be able to stop. At least on my end. Maybe I'll always love you, even if it's from the other side of the world."

                Months of these secret meetings haven't lessened the expectations of a negative reaction from Kevin. AJ knows all too well that every time he mentions _that word_ , the one Kevin still rarely says, he can expect tension and unease. What he doesn't expect is Kevin's lips against his throat.

                "I don't want you to stop." The words are barely audible, but they chase away the chill in the air. "Jaeseop...?"

                "Yeah?"

                "Whatever will happen will happen," Kevin tells him seriously, "but for now, can we still have this?" This. The two of them and all the stars in the sky. Even with the end in sight, AJ would give Kevin everything if only he would ask. Maybe that's where the problem lies. He still can't say no.

                "Anything you want," he promises. "Until the end."

**Author's Note:**

> Bright was originally published back in 2014. I stumbled across it yesterday as I was going through my old files, and I thought it'd be a shame not to fix it up. It's true that I haven't been a part of the U-KISS fandom since 2014/2015, but it's hard to forget working on this particular piece. There was a song playing on the radio that made me feel like trying to match the tone with a oneshot, and this was the result. 
> 
> The original version of Bright was a little different. I went through and rewrote it last night to hopefully get the quality up a notch. Hopefully the feeling I was trying for manages to find its way to you.


End file.
